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Sometimes Fuck It Is The Magic Word

Life hands us monumental moments that only require of us to show up if we can get past our own borders of self destruction, insecurities & hindrances that would otherwise hold us back. It simply asks of us on all levels of conscious living to surrender to its opening in a fuck it kind of way to just be present in seeing its unexpected gift as a form of golden opportunity.

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The Power Beyond Grief

I don’t ever remember while growing up being taught or guided on how to manage the emotional attributes of sadness & grief.  I remember one time when I was about 8 years old my nana calling the house in hysterics to inform my mom that her father had fallen ill & was in the hospital.…

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– A Healthy Formula To Life-

*Go outside & be with Mother Nature. There are many physical, emotional & metaphorical profound healing properties outside in nature that your spirit needs in order to be healthy to survive. *Stay as grounded as you can in the process of life.   *Educate yourself.  Not everyone is built to learn the same way yet there are many avenues…

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The Gift In Self(ish)Care

Sometimes you have to be selfish (YOU READ THAT CORRECTLY) for your own self care preservation, which normally goes against the nature of most people upbringing regardless of how you were raised.  Im sure even the word SELFISH alone probably makes some, maybe even most people feel uncomfortable because of the negative connotation that surrounds it.…

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The NON Father’s Day

I haven’t celebrated fathers day in over 7 years now when my former father decided it was more important to keep his friendship with my ex husband than it was having a relationship with his daughter.  I was once very close to my dad growing up (my former mother despised our bond), idolizing his stature…

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The Shame Of Weight

I grew up in a home where the scale for ones body weight was a solid fixture in the upstairs hallway.  For years as a child I would watch my former weight obsessed mother step onto her throne that was her scale, hoping for a number that she could happily live with.  This self abusive…

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The Birth Of The Legendary Phoenix

There are usually specific times in our lives that call upon us to participate in some epic shit created by the universe, usually when we are not feeling so incredibly outstanding.  Many times we see & view these moments as more of a personal assassination when we are at the lowest points in our life, challenging…

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I Am The Light

I never realized how bright my light actual was until I came to terms with how disruptive & chaotic my family background had been, living off of the emotional crumbs that I once thought were full course meals of sustenance. I never put together that the ache in my emotional body was that of starvation, surviving on artificial processed…

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The Social Game Of Operator

Have you ever played that telephone game “Operator”, where you whisper a statement into the ear of the person standing next to you that is then reiterated throughout the entire circle until it comes back around to you?  Most times, the sentence that was originally whispered will begin to take a shape of its own…

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The (UN)Mothers Of This Day

I was at the post office dropping off a parcel for a customer & the woman who always rings me up wished me a Happy Mothers day as we finished the transaction.  I was walking away thanking her & quickly turned back around to ask if she herself was a mom, because truthfully you never…

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The Emotional Truth About Adoptees Grief & Invisible Loss

Being adopted, I’ve noticed in general we are hardly ever taught how to openly properly mourn & grieve our first greatest initial loss, that ends up dictating & effecting our entire emotional life afterwards.  Human emotions are built in stages during infancy, childhood & adolescence registering & governing the emotional information into our adulthood.  This…

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The Health Of Our Emotions

 Emotions can have the tendency to make us ill when gone unmanaged, not putting it together with the physical body.  Sometimes they can make one sick enough to physically change & alter the cellular movement of the body, generating illness out of the cause & effect of harmful mental emotional attributes that create havoc within the…

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How I Cut Half My Finger Off

Ive spent the last 46 years without my full right index finger due to a childhood accident I had before turning 5, having now only a half of a finger to point with.  My family had just newly moved to our new home when my older brother & I unintentionally played a game that had…

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The Archetype Of A Queen/King Bee

I can remember back when I was a kid once upon a time ago, being purposely left out of parties & group hangouts that every body else got the invite too.  I was felt embarrassed to share the truth that I wasn’t invited when asked by the other girls who were going.  It usually boils down to the one MEAN…

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The Unhealthy Patterns Of Behavior

Patterns are a series of unlimited continuous happenings that give a suggested look or outcome based on the experience before.  Sometimes these series of sequences can be a positive model in trying to gage the configuration on situations that you are watching or being watched on.   Sometimes these patterns can be behavioral, offering a…

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Immigration & The American Dream

My husband is an immigrant, coming to this country not for the usual attainment of the American dream but for something far more magical.  He came here for me.  This alone put us in a place of uncertainty, not fully understanding the lengths & hoops we would have to go threw for the cost of…

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The Relentless Loop Of Fear

Have you ever had one of those relationships (physically, spiritually, emotionally) with something or someone that you feel you need to hold onto for dear life with in order to maintain its connection.  You cling tightly to this relationship even though you known in the deepest parts of your brain & soul that it’s unhealthy…

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The Social Seeker Using Its Random Act Of “Kindness”

I had an epiphany during a workout one day while listening to a podcast.  It opened my eyes to the amount people who broadcasted their “KINDNESS” simply for the show of social media attention & its epic proportions in gaining a viral validation instead of just being an ever day good samaritan.  The desire now…

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Crystals For Spring

It’s the pagen festival of Ostara, celebrating the peak season of spring in the Northern Hemisphere.  Nature has been reawakening for the last month & a half, slowly making a comeback for the upcoming months of warmth & sunshine.  It’s time for us to get back up & shake off that winter energy that was…

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Why I Outgrew Drinking & Chose To Live Clean

I was a youthful stoner party drinker, finding myself finishing off a bottle of wine & a spliff before the hour ended.  Tipsy or stoner drunk was the most perfect place for me to be in my 20’s & 30’s, enjoying the numb buzz that made every thing seem beautiful & my interior world fade…

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The Power Of Forgiveness & Its Act Of Mercy

The power to forgive myself was something I learned when I began to recognize & become hyper aware of the energy surrounding a victim mentality within the sins of my own self hatred.  I had once willingly allowed room for these kind of destructive feelings, thoughts, beliefs, ideas & stigma to plagued me throughout my life,…

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How Misfortune Saved My Life

I was groomed at an early age to see any kind of human hurt (mental, physical, emotional) as a sign of weakness, unless of course it was my former mother who was having one of her many “munchhausen” episodes, expecting our full sympathetic attention.  I was taught at a young age to shake things off,…

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Did You Know We Glow

We are unknowingly beams of light, all the way down to the atomic makeup of the entire human system. Scientifically there is a natural occurring phenomenon inside of us called bioluminescence which is the biochemical emission of light emitted by the body (like a firefly).  In humans it is 1,000 times less intensive than that of…

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National Adoption Awareness Month ~ Behind Closed Doors

I was adopted into a generational abusive dysfunctional family, having a narcissist for a mother & an enabler as a father.   Each one of their 3 adopted children were groomed & designed to play out of the roles designated by the monarch.  We unknowingly & willingly took turns throughout our lives in a triangulation of the golden…

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I Cant Make This Stuff Up

I have had a lot of bizarre experience occur during my life time, making things to write about come very natural & easy to me.  Truthfully I really don’t feel like I have to have any kind of scientific explanation for them, chalking it up under the umbrella that houses the belief in God &…

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Don’t Trade In Your Grief For Sabatage

There are many times in our lives when we must deal with the physical & metaphorical death or the severing of ties of an ended relationship (personal or professional).  It is impossible to fully remove yourself from the relationship in a healthy manner if you don’t begin to mourn & grieve the loss that is happening…

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Season Of The Scorpio

WELCOME TO THE SEASON OF THE SCORPIO ( can you hear the sounds of my crackly witchy laugh).  I have been antipating all year long this journey back to my beloved sign for an over all reboot.  I suggest you buckle it up buttercups for a lengthy ride through the belly of the underworld & these even more mysterious uncertain…

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Healing the Family Tree

” YOU AND THE RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR CHILDREN ARE THE ROOT..IT IS THE SEED..IF YOU CAN UPHOLD THEIR WHOLENESS, WHICH MEANS YOU HAVE TO HEAL YOUR BROKENNESS, YOU WILL LIBERATE YOUR CHILDREN”.. When I first heard this quote I had to roll it around my head a while, since I am not used to having…

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Mercury Fucking Retrograde

What is mercury retrograde & why does is make us act sometimes “bat shit crazy”. There are 3 periods of time every year when the planet mercury appears to orbit differently than normal creating an illusion which is called retrograde, October 14 – November 3 (sign of scorpio) being the last one of this year.…

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Happy Healthy New Year

Tonight at sundown begins the Jewish High Holiday of Rosh Hashanah.  It is one of the holiest days of the Jewish religion, being the beginning of our New Year.  It’s customary during this time to celebrate its sweet beginning & also gain some insight & reflection over the year in general.  This one will for…

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The Human Truth Compass

Ive been scrutinized in the past for publicly speaking about what some might deem as airing my “dirty laundry”, exposing some deep dark layers from my own experienced truth.  Some would even go as far to say that it never happened, playing ignorant as a deflective tool to eliminate the circumstance & experiences. The dynamics of…

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The Reality Of Perception..

Have you ever payed attention to how you view the exterior world & the people who occupy its space.  Many time we see the outer enviorment with our own unique eyes, often times manipulating it to better suit our own individual needs verses the actual truth to which it exist.  The reality is,  we see things from our own personal mental & emotional projector sensory system based on our personal upbringing & environment.  

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The Harmful Effects Caused From The Opinions Of Others.

My first real informative memory of opinion outside my home life was my being held back in 1st grade & the humiliation is suffered with the same first grade teacher & on the playground with my peers.  I was teased, made fun of & called a lot of hurtful names for being stupid, retreating me to a place of make believe & isolation.  They must have been true if my entire educational system believed this of me, handicapping my entire school experience from there on out.  You would never know this now by meeting me today, what I had suffered from as a child.

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Breath Work To Activate Intention

Really breath in this life force with full on intention to your breath that will stimulate the Synchronization of vibration to the flow of your authentic being, sending waves of alignment to the visions of your desire & dreams.  It is here that the infinite imagination exists.  By deliberately changing the scope of the brainpower over to your divine source, you will naturally begin to change the rest of the narrative that cycles the entire system daily into beautiful fruition.

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The Virus Of Hate

It saddens me deeply that this human infectious disease & infestation of HATRED is overpopulating this world more than any other virus on this planet.  The numbers of this man made pathogen are frightening me more than any of the numbers associated with Mother Natures illnesses.  If nature can have a cure for everything it produces, why  aren’t we as humans desperately trying to find the cure or remedy within our own twisted fucked up ways & eradicate what is ultimately killing all of us again & again over time.

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The Last Day Of My Pandemic Vacation.

What I did instead was use this moment wisely for my highest good, really dissecting that box I believed I was once designed for no longer fits me emotionally, mentally, physically or spiritually. I think personally the biggest virus I chose to evade during this entire time & not become infected with is the memetic virus of the human mind.  The last 3 months I have grossly watch it spread from person to person, contaminated by the outlets used to intentionally programed us with fear.  It really makes me think about how I intend on conducting myself from here on out, stepping away even more from the things that are simply processed instead of organic.

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The Wounds Of Adoption

I always felt haunted in my own body by the ghostly feeling of these unresolved bleeding wounds of being given away.  Even as a grown woman,  I still needed & wanted answers that only she had the power to relinquish over me.  What would make a mother want to give their child away was a very big question I had, especially becoming a mother of my own adding more emotions to wounds that would never seem to heal.

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The Human Spirit Is The Most Remarkable Warrior

I have suffered many forms of this abuse throughout my life, causing me to question the lack of love & self worth I once had.  In some unconscious capacity, I believed I deserved to be treated in this destructive manner, being adopted, feeling so unlovable & not being able to actually see the marks of abuse upon my skin but rather feel them in the deepest places of my psyche.  My earliest form of love came at the hands of my adopted narcissistic mother, so knowing any differently was never my option, till much later in life when I met my now husband.

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When Spirit Shows Up For You.

Sometimes life grants us the opportunity to dip our self into the other world of the unknown, opening the space of your intuitive energy with snidbits of information as a sensory gateway to your past, present & future communication.  It has the ability to share messages of possibilities & ideas, allowing one to feel, see, hear,…

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Life After Narcissistic Abuse

I had an epiphany yesterday after celebrating my husbands 42 birthday this past weekend. I realized in that singular moment of pure happiness that if those various suicide attempts I had tried way back when would have taken my life, I wouldn’t have be able to be where I am today.  I would have missed out on such a beautiful life…

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The Unexpected Goodbyes Of Pandemic 2020

A little & A lot has happened over quarantine these last few months, taking my flow of emotions from one place to another without apology or remorse since that’s the way life rolls.   Instead I decided to become more vigilant to find the beauty in this unexpected event knowing that what was before, will…

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The Angry Entertainment Of Corona

Theres been a lot of what I call Corona Angry Entertainment during this lockdown, now actively unfollowing & choosing to socially distance my self even more so from most of the shit show network & social media nonsense.  I decided for my own pursuit of optimism & happiness, to check out from the outlets that act like a peacock…

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The Insightful Perk In My Quarantine.

Ive had a LOT of time at home during this pandemic lockdown, going on 7 weeks of not being aloud to work & still seeing some of the optimism behind all of it.  It has been work for me to unwind the minds perception of this horrible, draining situation as I constantly remind myself that eventually this…

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Magical Mala’s & Prayer Necklaces coming soon.

I have been really trying hard to use my isolation brain power that is often creative, constructing ways to spread some healing vibes in these unprecedented times.  It’s been hard, firing up these neurons that are now somewhat lagging from too much screen time (Im addicted to TIK TOK), while sitting within the 4 corners…

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WEEK 3 OF QUARANTINE

I got to see the sun again this morning ( HOORAY ), which is a good thing being that we are quarantined in Michigan.  I just witnessed my 3rd full week of no incoming income go by as an independent, self employed, contractor manicurist so that’s been fun.  The struggle is REAL for me, for…

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